BFP at 10DPO!!!!

Yesterday I just couldn't resist POAS and much to my amazement, 2 lines came up!!! I had my blood test today and although the receptionist said it is very early, I am definitely preg :-)

I had gotten to the point where I was doubting that it would ever happen so I couldn't be more ecstatic. DH is also over the moon. I'm going to surprise him with a father's day present.

9DPO and just dying to POAS

Well I only made it to 8DPO before I POAS and of course it was BFN. I know that it's probably too early. I was so excited this afternoon because I'm feeling seedy and my bbs are hurting more today.

I'm trying to hold out until Tuesday before I POAS again but I'm so tempted to test again tomorrow. I really need to build up some will power.

Another 2WW- 4DPO

Well I ended up Oing on CD18. I'm feeling pretty confident this month. We tried to BD on O day but as hard as DH tried, he just could not finish the job. The poor man felt so frustrated.

My bbs are hurting more this month and I've been feeling pretty seedy but that may have been due to a bug that was going around work. I'll probably read this in a week and cry because I'm wrong again.

The thing is though that I never feel confident...

On another note, I'm finally getting my teeth fixed YAY!!!!

Stubborn ovaries!!

Well Dr G thought I was going to O on the weekend but still waiting on CD15. I think poor DH is going to start running away from me soon. I think he's had enough BD for a month. I really don't want to stop until I've O'd though.

I think to think of something to get him keen tonight...

CD13 and O is imminent

Well I had a blood test on Friday and as the results showed that O was imminent, the doc thought I would O on Saturday (yesterday). So the doc sent me for another blood test yesterday to confirm but I really don't think I have O'd yet due to my temps so I am hoping for another blood test tomorrow.

Going to DH's niece's christening today. We went to buy her a present yesterday and DH wanted to get her an outfit. There are some really pretty little girl dresses out this season and just looking at the clothes made me a little emotional as I desperately want to be buying things like that for our baby. Hopefully in a couple of week I'll be able to start looking at those things for our baby.

CD3 and back on the clomid

Well the wicked b@tch eventually showed up as I expected she would and now we're on to a brand new cycle. I think I'm going to pull the plug on clomid after this cycle. I don't know what Dr G will want me to do if it is a BFN but I don't think I can handle another cycle of clomid after this one.

Dr G wants to jump straight to IVF if I don't get UTD with clomid but I've decided I'm not willing to do that until I have all the facts about IUI (cost, process, success rates). I'm sure as hell not going to be pressured into IVF without serious consideration of the facts.

He seems to be a great doctor other than his trigger happy compulsion to jump to IVF. Lots of girls I've talked to have said that the injections are relatively cheap and the costs are no where near as high as IVF so I really can't understand why he wants to bypass that option so quickly.

I'm planning on starting another form of treatment until I have shed a few more kgs anyway. I don't want the thought that maybe if I had been skinnier, I wouldn't have wasted my time and money hanging over me.

Almost a year ago now I got a reading from a psychic who predicted April as my conception month. At the time I baulked at the thought of waiting that long. Well she was wrong and I'm still waiting and the thought of another year passing and still being stuck in an endless wait makes my stomach churn.

You think in your head "I can't live through another year of this" but somehow the world keeps turning, the days/months/years keep passing and all you can do is keep going, keep trying and keep hoping. The thought also stays with you that this wait may never end for us.

A few of my family members know what we're going through and they're forever saying "Don't worry. It will happen" and I'm at the point where I want to say in response "You know the truth is that maybe it won't happen for us ever." I don't want them to think that I've given up or lost hope but it's something that I have to face because it is a real possibility. If I speak those thoughts though, everyone would just think that I was fishing for sympathy.

I know that one day I will be a mum because DNA means nothing to me. Although I would love to have a baby with my blue eyes and my gorgeous DH's cheeky dimple, I would also love an adopted child just as much. How could a child possibly be less special if you have to wait months or even years before you meet them and you have to travel to the other side of the world before you can even hold them?? This thought brings me great comfort.

Sorry for anyone who has had to suffer through my rambling this afternoon but it was a good avenue for venting.